Did you watch the Biggest Loser?

I posted last year that I was going to answer to the blog world my weight, diet, and progress. I failed. I didn't lose and I didn't blog. I may have actually gained, I know I gained last year but I am not sure if I gained before or after I said that I would blog.

Yesterday I started, along with a couple of family members a new diet. This one is a meal plan. I am hungry but I have stuck with it since I started. I have drunk all of the water that I am supposed to and haven't cheated. Jason and I did the Biggest Loser Bootcamp workout DVD last night and I walked for 30 minutes today at Trey's school.

I am watching Biggest Loser right now. I am sitting here in tears as these people talk about their lives and how they got to this point. I am thinking how did I get to this point myself. I don't weigh 200+lbs like most of the contestants, but I am honestly not far from the 200. I remember being a little girl crying that kids were picking on me because I was so skinny, a toothpick. As a kid I guess you got laughed at if you were a big kid or if you were a skinny one. I weighed 100lbs or less when I graduated high school. I remember praying that God would make me bigger so that I wouldn't get laughed at. He answered, but my weight is my fault. I have done this to myself. I do have a thyroid problem, but I believe that the weight problem is mostly on me and not the thyroid. I drank all of the soda, I was lazy--am lazy, I ate the junk food. I pray that this time I do not fail. I do feel like this time so far is different. I have rice crispy treats in the pantry that has been calling my name but I have resisted. I am so proud of me for resisting. I would usually say it's okay and that it's only 90 calories if I eat one. I had one in my hand when I handed it to Jason so he could eat it, I had one in my hand when I put it into Trey's lunch box, but I didn't have one in my hand eating it.

I don't want to be this weight. I don't want to have health problems, I want to be okay wearing a bathing suit, shorts even this summer. I don't want to be horrified when I look in the mirror. I want to do this.

My goal is to loose at least 70 (+) pounds. I am going to do it. I may slip up, but I am going to do it this year. This is not my New Year's resolution, this is what I have to do. I may not lose 70lbs in a year but I will lose until it is gone.

Thanks for reading.